Sex and Marriage

Sex and Marriage are often seen as independent from each other in many parts of the world today but this is really an error. Sex of course is very good but the sexual pleasure associated with sex can blind individuals to this very real good of sex and thus how they view the role and management of sexual practice.

Marriage is actually a human institution that reflects the mysterious and yet self evident "bond' that results from intercourse between a man and a woman. This bond is natural and very powerful, yet not intellectually evident, and sexual attraction is  such a powerful basic drive that civilized societies developed marriage as a means to protect and educate the innocent from the self harm that occurs when the bond is broken.  Even in today's scientific world there is a recognition of this pair bonding and there are various attempts to explain how this occurs at a physiological level. The philosophical belief regarding the nature of mind, ie it has a spiritual component or it is purely materialistic in nature, affects the interpretation of how such a bond works and clearly defines how explanations of this bond, which clearly seems to be established through physiological means, is actually effected. 

What is so different about sex and why can't everyone just find out for themselves? Why do we need a special institution called marriage?

There all sorts of bonds and  emotions, addictive physiological states and love all provide levels of bonding between mothers and babies, fathers and children, siblings, friends and collaborators but none of these are quite the same as the bond between a man and woman that occurs through sexual intercourse (a more detailed explanation can be obtained in the social neuroscience and biology literature). 

This bond is a permanent bond at the psychological and spiritual level and results directly from sexual intercourse. While the bond actually plays out differently for men and women, breaking the bond is damaging to both. The biblical description of the two becoming one body is in fact a description of this reality, which is an objective fact of human nature in the same way that human beings must breathe oxygen or they damage themselves. While there is no end to the amount of information on sexual attraction, sexual practice and desire,  nothing can change the reality of this bond and the damaging effect on individuals who suffer separation after sexual intercourse.

Of course having sex with someone who is totally inappropriate may necessitate separation but this will still, necessarily, cause permanent damage at a subconscious level. Recognition that this bond will happen, in spite of the suitability of the partners, has resulted in the institution of marriage. Marriage in some form appears to have existed from prehistory, and has resulted in societies choosing various selection methods and societal structures to ensure that individuals refrain from sex until their suitability for each other is more clear than just being based on sexual attraction, however important that may be. It is sustained as an institution by the willingness of individuals to adhere to demands of marriage, either freely or the through the imposition of rules, by society, in the name of self preservation, with varying levels of harshness.

Rules for Legitimate Sexual Expression that are most protective of individual well being would therefore be:

No sex before marriage.

Marriage must be freely entered into by a man and a woman, however the arrangements came into being.

Marriage is for life.

No extramarital sex.

No remarriage until one of the partners has died.

Distortions of sexuality that reduce the chances of the above aspiration being met as a protection for individuals:

Masturbation.

Oral Sex.

Sex before marriage.

Sodomy.

Exhortation to practice the above four practices through pornography.

As damage to the bodies of individuals becomes widespread - with promiscuity - society itself becomes more violent.  We are witnessing this today and this is why governments do have a role in managing sexuality if they are to maintain good order and stability. It is not something that should just be be left to individuals, in the privacy of their bedroom, and this is merely a position put by many politicians, even those of good will, who feel inadequate to deal with these issues while others, who indulge themselves sexually, obviously have no intent of denying themselves and will continue to sell out the innocent.